So I’m about to be real transparent and keep it 100! What you are about to read will reveal some of my insecurities but I’m sure there are others who feel the same way but are afraid to admit it! (sorry for the typos and run on sentences… Also if you don’t agree or can’t relate, keep it moving)
I realized a few weeks ago that social media is triggering my anxiety. The constant bombarding of opinions, images, discussions, and videos have become overwhelming for me. 10 years ago my life was much more peaceful. Although we had access to social media, it wasn’t as accessible. Back then, in order to see what was going on, you had to sit down and log on to a computer. Now the use of cellphones allow these sites to be with you EVERYWHERE you go and you are constantly being subjected to everything going on in everyone’s life.
Before the use of social media you didn’t know what was on a person’s mind… Most people feared saying things to a person’s face. The internet has given power to people to say everything imaginable, including hurtful, while hiding behind a computer screen. You now know EVERYTHING… Every opinion, every thought, every…. single… thing… everyone is a guru… expert… and opinions are fact no matter how wrong they may be. Everyone has something to say about EVERYTHING!!! SHIT!!! And people will debate any and everything. They will even try to convince you that your personal experience is wrong.
At first, I didn’t know what I was experiencing was anxiety. I started to pay more attention to my feelings after I seen or read a post. I notice I instantly get irritated, bothered, or emotional depending on the topic. Prime example, the other day in a private group, someone posted a picture of someone at the nail shop with varicose veins with a caption that basically read “…take care of your body before your toenails…” The post instantly triggered me… Which made me think about all the times I feared going to the nail salon because I didn’t want anyone taking a picture of my psoriasis covered skin and posting on social media to make jokes.
Although, it did make me more conscious of the times, I too, have posted pictures of people to make fun… not with malicious intent, but I now realize it’s basically the same thing (and it’s wrong). Although I spoke up about the “injustice” it was only justified by the poster and others. Do I now dislike them as people, no… Did I side eye them… yes.
Let’s talk about body image… Do you prefer…
Everyday I get on social media I see post asking if one prefer’s light skin or dark skin, slim or thick, tall or short, natural hair or weave, make up or no make-up the comparisons are endless. I swear-to-gawdddd, I seen a post in a group asking would you date an albino person?! What type of stupid question is that??? In the black community slim women aren’t favored so most of the men answers included medium and up… Again a trigger because I’m slim, lol. Thoughts of “I wish I could gain weight… maybe that’s why I’m single… only if I was just a little thicker…” started to plaque my mind. The bottom line is some of these post reaffirm insecurities… No it’s not the poster’s fault, but it’s still a fact.
Also you now know everybodies moves…
You know exactly when you are being ignored. Before social media if someone didn’t return your call or text you, you assumed they were busy or had gotten into a car accident (I’m being dramatic, lol). Remember that mystery of why you hadn’t heard from someone?! Now, YOU KNOW when someone doesn’t want to be bothered. It always sucks when your text or phone call goes ignored, and two seconds later you see them posting to social media, now you are offended trying to figure out why they didn’t hit you back… I can’t deal…
And chilllddddddd, don’t get me started on being constantly exposed to engagements, perfect relationships, careers, successes (ect), while your single ass is sitting on the couch at home, on a Friday night, watching the lifetime movie network, eating a box of candy, trying to figure out where you went wrong in life and why no one wants you, lmaoooooooooo (maybe that’s just me). Now, you laying around crying at the sight of engagement videos and fancy weddings you see on FB, child booo….
My therapist always reminds me that people only allow you to see what they WANT you to see and all that glitters is not gold.
Anyway… I’m signing off! I think that’s enough ranting for the day! lol