The One Beautiful Thing I Learned from a Failed Marriage

The other day I shared a post about my fears of having psoriasis free skin which can be read here. It opened up the dialogue of others who have psoriasis and their fears. One particular young lady inboxed me and shared with me her fears of dating, rejection, finding love, feeling loved, being intimate, and being accepted.  It hurt me, because those are the same exact fears I faced when I was 16 years old and the real pressures of dating began. I didn’t think I would find anyone to love me. I didn’t think I would find anyone I was comfortable enough to reveal myself to.

Me around the age of 16 or 17 after a school play I starred in! The little fella in the picture is my cousin.
Me around the age of 16 or 17 after a school play I starred in! The little fella in the picture is my cousin.

There is an ugly side to psoriasis that many don’t know unless closely acquainted. The flaking, itching, bleeding… An embarrassing side that people without the disease can’t begin to really understand.

I met my now ex husband when I was 19 years old. We instantly fell for each other. I had dated others here and there before, but it was nothing like the experience I had had with him. I didn’t know how I was going to tell him about my psoriasis.

I remember playing the “question game” with him. Unbeknowest to him it was my way of introducing my psoriasis. We asked questions back and forth and one of the questions was something like, “if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?” That’s when I told him

Us when we first started dating.
Us when we first started dating.

about my psoriasis. It opened up the conversation about the disease. He assured me that he didn’t care.

It took a long time to become comfortable enough to show any parts of my body. I remember being at his house for a movie day and he persuaded me to just put on a short sleeve shirt, reluctantly I did. He kissed my arm and told me he didn’t care about my psoriasis and he liked me for me. He had never heard of psoriasis until he met me. Although I attempted to hide it while on our dates, he later revealed to me that he could tell there was something there, he just wasn’t sure what.

He seen the ugliest sides of my disease, when I was covered by 90%, when I didn’t have medicine, when I refused to use topicals… When I was moody and emotionally because of the anxiety due to my psoriasis. He felt when I was depressed. We truly became one when it came to my psoriasis.

Although we decided mutually to go our separate ways (while remaining great friends)… Although our marriage “failed” in the eyes of most, I will always love and appreciate him for his undying support of my life with psoriasis the good, the bad, and the ugly. He never, not once, said anything hurtful about my psoriasis no matter how bad I may have pissed him off. It was as if it didn’t even exist in his eyes (which he has said before).

My point in saying all of this is that if you have psoriasis and you are worried about love you can and WILL find it. I know several couples where one of them or even both have psoriasis, and they have found love and trust within one another.

Being newly divorced, I started to feel the old fears mentioned above, but I realize if was able to find love and acceptance once before, I’m bound to find it again. My failed marriage taught me that someone can and will accept your disease. Your issue could be psoriasis or something else, but there is someone out there who will be patient with you and truly love you through your issue.

Author Description

Just a girl with psoriasis.

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